"They tell me to survive but they don't know I'm already dead" by PQHAÜS
"They tell me to survive but they don't know I'm already dead" by PQHAÜS
(Acrylic on canvas / 11x14 inches / 2023)
There was a moment when life felt like a boxing ring, and it seemed as if everything in the world treated him as the opponent, constantly throwing punches at every chance. Beaten down by the world, he couldn't see, speak, or even recognize things in his life; he was beyond exhaustion.
He felt partially lifeless, as if he were alive but stuck in an unending coma. And around him, there were people, some mere spectators, watching his life as if it were a low-budget indie movie, and there were others he couldn't bear to disappoint anymore. So, he continued to pretend to fight on, trying to stay on his feet until he finally exhausted himself.
The painting uses the metaphor of boxing, depicting a boxer's state of mind, wherein they must stay awake and resilient, facing their opponent. In this artwork, life itself becomes the opponent one must contend with. The figure in the painting stands, beaten but confidently, symbolizing his unwavering mental strength. The spilled paint next to him suggests an attempt to conceal his battered body's bruises by covering them up. He also holds a paintbrush but let it drip the paint onto the floor, without trying to conceal his struggles because he now knows pretending to be fine doesn't do him any favors.
Your words hit me harder than I expected. A few years ago I lost my mother to a sudden illness, and the world kept telling me to “stay strong” and “keep moving forward,” as if grief were just a hurdle to jump over. I felt invisible, like I was already walking through a fog that no one else could see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Game_of_chance The line “they tell me to survive but they don’t know I’m already dead” echoes that exact void I was stumbling through—people urging me to keep going while I felt completely hollow inside. It took time, and a lot of quiet evenings with old letters and photographs, to realize that surviving isn’t about pretending I’m fine; it’s about allowing…